June and rainy days, books and Pepsi Max

Hello!

I've got an itch to write a lot about books... I can't stop thinking about books, reading reviews, watch series based on books... I have become addicted to some movies and series. The number one series I watch and movies I love to re-watch are based on real life. I just love books about hospitals and prisons. If you know me personally, you know why. No, I have not been in prison. The experiences of my youth have affected my interests very much. So, basically it's mental illness issues, sexual minorities  (I have a few very good friends from my childhood who belong to those minorities- just for the record I'm not Gay) and religious themes. Well, a lot of other things too. The list is endless. Those are just a few things.

Oops, this became a bookish post. Better link this to my book blog as well. BTW, prison is a lot like a hospital. I've been reading and re-reading OITNB. 😊

My books are my life!

I have maybe 500+ books. I just keep buying more. lol

Currently I'm reading many books at the same time. Well, not literally. Even though it's literal. Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa...

Now I need to read.
Ta!

Love

Hey there!

I'm back!
Today I've been thinking about love and my dear friends' expectations for me.
I have not posted on Facebook about any crushes or cute guys etc. in a long time. I try to get my friends to understand that I'm not desperate or "thirsty ", I don't think I've ever even been. The number one reason why people think that I am thirsty is simply my colorful and outgoing personality. I talk. A lot. Smile, laugh and flirt. That's not typical of Finns. Not at all. I'm a freak in a grey mass of frowns. I lived in Stockholm for 11 years and now that I think about it, I was considered more normal there. Sigh, I miss Sweden...

So, people may think what they want, people can say what they want, they can judge me and think they are better than me. Actually there is no need to compare or look down on others. Christian people are the most judging in the world. I'm a Christian but I really try not to judge. I've been judged by my acquaintanceside and friends. The reasons may be many. To be honest, it really is no concern of mine what people say or think about me. Because it's not my problem if somebody doesn't like me. I'm not the one suffering, it's themselves who poison their own minds. Usually I feel very sorry for people who don't like me, they really don't know me or what they're missing.

That's why I can feel free. I'm probably expected to be married by now, have 1-8 children and a fabulous education and career... I just don't care about what I am supposed to be or do. All I really need to be is myself. People are unsure about themselves, that is why they judge others. That's why they hate. That's why they are scared.

That's all.

Feelings, nothing more than feelings...

Hi!

Today was a good but though day... I went to Church and after the first meeting I went with my Dad to my friends' home in Kangasala. We ate tacos, drank Coca-Cola and had ice-cream for dessert. Yum! There were other guests than us there too. It was very nice. I just was very tired. But they have two cats, they are lovely. I've been friends with this family for many years and they are my dear friends.

I've been stressed lately and today I got almost a panic attack after our visit. Thank goodness my friend A was there to help me. She is a good friend and has always been very supportive of me and my health issues. I hope I can help her too.

My dad has been visiting me for three weeks and I have been taking care of him. Made food, helped him to put his shoes on etc. I've practically been his nurse, cook and cleaning lady. ☺ It's been very fun. But it has also been a bit tough.

To top it all, I have had worries for one of my good friends. 💖 Thank goodness I've got my cats to bring me comfort. I've been praying and thinking about things that I can do for my friends, helping others is the best way to feel better.

I've also been cleaning and organisingmy home, putting all my books in better order etc. I feel much better now. Every evening I get a bit distressed but I have a good medicine that I can take if I feel really bad. These last nights I've had to take that medicine every night.

Well, other than that, it's going swimmingly. ☺

That's all.

Hello, hello, hello!

Dear readers...

Here is a short list of some of the things that I have started this new year with.

1. My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic

2. Diaries

3. RuPaul's Drag Race

4. Coloring in my adult coloring books

5. Frasier

6. Listening to music

7. Family Guy

8. Sudoku

9. Facebook 😢

10. Old and New Friends 😊

That's all.

Howdy!

Hey there!

Newsflash :

I have started to collect My Little Pony toys! I'm sooo excited about it! A few months ago I sold a My Little Pony small handbag and got 40 euros for it! WoW! Nowadays I collect both G1 and G4... I have even started a new blog about my My Little Ponies...

More later!

How we start to like new music...

Hi there!

Sorry, that I haven't written in many, many months...

Today I got a package from my dear musician friend: The Jonna. We have known each other many years and she helped me once when I was really in trouble. Thank you, Jonna!

She sent me her new album. As soon as I could, I put it in the CD-player and listened to it two times through. I have a theory of how we find new favorite songs. It was like when I was a teenager and always listened a few times through Céline Dion's and Mariah Carey's CD's when I got hold of them, and became familiar with the sounds and words. Then, within a few hours/days, I would find my absolute favorites. It took a while to take it all in. I haven't bought many new CD's these past few years but I do still love them. Plus my stereo has the best sound.

This new album from Jonna is called "Sound Mind". It's a very good, almost like a soundtrack to my life right now. These words move me and they are very well written. I'm so proud of you, Jonna.My favorites so far are: "Still breathng" and "Smile". Also "Wedding Night" touched my heart in a special way.

I need to go to the store and buy all of Jonna's albums. I almost always listen to her music on Spotify.

Thank you, Jonna!
Love, Cindy

Awakenings Thursday - Friday, 17th to 18th of December 2014

Hey!

Tonight I watched an amazing movie, called "Awakenings". It made me appreciate life so much more. There was a time in my life when I lived in a mental hospital for 8 months. It was in 1997-1998 when I was 17. My dad always says that I always talk about my time in the mental institution as it was some kind of army. Well, in some ways it was.

Here's a part of my history.

I was bullied in school. From the first time I stepped in class and ten years on. The only reason they stopped bullying me was that after the last summer I suffered from a psychosis. I was 17 and served a mini mission for the church. I have later come to an understanding that both having been bullied for ten years and the mini mission contributed to my break down.

In the hospital I suffered from both mental illness and from side effects from the many different types of medicines they gave me. I gained 30 kilos in the hospital. I suffered from extra pyramidal syndrome. That is where "Awakenings" steps in. I had many of the problems and symptoms that the patients in the story also had. Of course it was based on a real story.

More later!