Good afternoon from Finland! :)

 Hey there! 

I don't remember if I told you guys that I have severe depression and used to have really bad anxiety for years. This year I suddenly got a lot better. In February/March I usually need to go to the mental hospital for a few days at least and on top of that I have spent weeks, if not months at home alone with my cats most days and lied on my couch and scrolled hours on end on my phone. I was really in a bad state. I was afraid of going outside, I had zero energy, I cried and had a lot of anxiety. I did not clean my home a lot, I felt I could not do anything. It was the bottom of my life so far... 

Then I met the new missionaries (and some who had been here since earlier) and one Sunday I asked for a blessing from the elders. Slowly from that moment on I started to feel a lot better. I went outside more! I cleaned more! I got a lot more energy! I lost 10 kilograms! :) I am so happy I found these friends. I am so grateful for them. In another blog I write more about the missionaries... 

https://swefinnmissionarybonusmom.blogspot.com/

I really do not know what exactly happened. I just know that I feel alive again and a lot happier. 

Maybe people started praying for me more, maybe I believed a little extra in the power of the blessing I got, maybe the missionaries who became my bonus children really helped me get out of my bad depression by helping me in many ways and allowing me to help them. Because if I can't help anyone or if no one wants me to help, I feel pretty useless and I do not feel appreciated and I just slip into a really dark place...

THANK YOU MISSIONARIES <3 

I am so grateful. I skipped the "going to the hospital in the spring" -part of my year and that is so valuable to me. I am so happy... Also, because I am spending my time a lot more with the missionaries I see their good example, I want to be better, it helps me to progress. I would have probably continued being a depressed crazy cat-lady with no energy forever, or for a very long time at least. My anxiety is completely gone! :)  I am sure it will come back maybe sometimes at least to visit but I am just so happy it is gone right now :)

More later!

Good morning! :)

 Hi there! 

It is a lot easier to blog about my life in general than about books, I am sorry. I have my good old trusted book blog too but I have been in an awful reading slump. Plus I have started knitting instead. I could listen to audiobooks at the same time but sometimes it is difficult to concentrate...

I usually just listen to music or the radio during my knitting moments.

I knit a lot at night when I can not sleep or at the church on Sundays or at the activities. A little mean old lady at church asked if I am not going to get that scarf done soon? She saw that I was knitting it two weeks in a row... She was pretty mean. I knit very rarely. I am not fast, I am not good at it and I am doing my best. Mean people do not have patience lol.

I still feel a lot better nowadays, even if I feel a little down I very soon pick myself up, which would have been imposible a year ago... A year ago I was at the hospital 11-14 of March. I had bad anxiety. I was supposed to move back to my hometown. I did not move and that was a VERY good thing.

My missionary friends visited me in the hospital last year. Elder Holm and elder Phelps, sister Sanders and sister Nyland. Really lovely humans. I am so grateful. The missionaries have visited me many times when I have been in the hospital but let's not get into that, wrong blog lol. :D

It is Barbie's birthday today! (wrong blog again lol)

Have a good day! :)

Something about life at the moment

 Hi...

I recently started another blog. The subject there is missionarywork. It has been read a lot.

My life outside of that has been very interesting to say the least.

 I really was not feeling okay or like I was hyper active and very happy for about two weeks. First I thought it was my painkillers making me high, nope! It was just life and the feels I sometimes experience. They usually come and go, but this time my happy mood has persevered even though everything in my life is NOT all peaches and flowers etc. I have found many ways to deal with my anxiety and honestly I have not had a lot of anxiety for almost a month. :) My friends have helped me a lot.

I am actually amazed how I still can be this happy! I smile each day a lot, laugh and mostly think very happy thoughts. I am a new person. I also have become more perky and do not need as many naps as before and have a lot more energy. I have lost 10 kilograms! I felt like I was eating all the time but apparently not lol. I am happy about that too.

I think something has changed that used to bother me a LOT. I just left the problem in the past and I must say a few friends have helped me leave that thing behind me, for which I am forever grateful. I used to lie in bed all day for weeks on end just scrolling through social media. A MIRACLE happened. I am so happy I feel a lot better. Some people or situations still trigger a negative response or emotion but I do not care so much, because every time I feel really good right afterwards. There are very few things in my life right now that can make me really severly depressed anymore!

I was afraid of getting a psychosis for those two weeks :( some feelings can SEEM like a psychosis or like you are not yourself... That is what happened to me lol. I hate and love when my feelings go crazy and my mind follows. It is not possible to pull the breaks, but I managed it. I just calmed a little down, and now I feel pretty normal. "Normal" for me is not "normal" for everyone lol. I try to be normal but it really does not work for me. I am at least happy that I am becoming an adult now at the age of almost 43 lol.

Well, there are some of my thoughts. I need to try to read today-...

TA! ;)