Merry November :)

 Hello...

On the first of November, i.e. on Friday, it snowed a lot. Also, that was when I started listening to Christmas music. I don't want to listen to it too much though, so I don't get sick of it before December! lol. I love Christmas music. Here is my ultimate Christmas music list on Spotify:

Christmas deluxe

I am doing OK, by the way. We had a huge fall out with the missionaries... It is a long story and I don't like it. Most days I cry because the missionaries have been literally shunning me. I mean, I have apologized and changed and tried to stay away from them as much as possible, still they are mean to me. Yes, I said it: They are mean to me. 

I visited Utah from the 13th of August until the 16th of September. It was SO great! 

The RMs are sure a lot nicer and HONEST and kinder than the current missionaries.

Just saying.

Eventually, they will go home and I will not miss the current missionaries. They don't speak to me, they don't even answer when I talk to them. Only the sisters in the first ward are nice. Then I have a lot of missionary friends around Finland, still serving their missions and still my friends. They don't think I should be shunned. They are still my friends. 

The sisters in the second ward look so angry and bitter. I am flabbergasted how they can be like that.

I kind of feel sorry for them, they think they are doing the right thing. It is sickening too... It's so hypocritical. Seriously, it is. I think they have a lot left to learn. I think they think they know everything because they are 20 years old and 20 year old people tend to think they know everything.

I am 44 and I don't know a lot. 

I just know that the way they are behaving is NOT Christlike...

Enough said.

All I have done is tried to help and support them. I am always friends with the missionaries. I always am happy to see them and to laugh and joke. Apparently the sisters took my friendliness for something else and ASSUMED I am a BAD person. How nice. They are not very nice.

They don't know me.

I have kept in touch with a few missionaries back in Utah and a few still on their mission here. I don't care if it's against the rules or whatever, You do not decide what I should do. There are a lot of missionaries that are sympathetic towards my situation. I am so grateful for them.

My mom said that it is time for me to move away from Tampere. Some of the church members here are and have been mean for most my life, in a way or another. They really want me to move to Jakobstad. Or wherever, just away. I agree now, I will gladly move... My mom and dad and my friends in the Jakobstad ward/branch (at church there) are so much nicer and the ward is like a family.

I will do my best to move SOMEWHERE. 

I have been having a lot more pain in my legs and I went to a nerve pain examination on Wednesday. My childhood friend's mom came with me. They are such a nice family. They have helped me a lot and they have always been supportive of me.

Sorry for the rant. 

A true Cinderella story

 Good morning!

I went on a cruise for new year's with my friend.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how my life REALLY IS a version of Cinderella...

My name is Cindarella. I was put into an orphanage when I was a tiny baby. At three months old I was adoted to the Santonen family, my parents are the best! They are my best friends. I grew up in a secure and loving home. 

At school I was bullied, ten years until I snapped and needed to go to the hospital for eight months when I was 17. I got ill on my mini-mission in Jyväskylä in July of 1997 when I was 17 and I stayed eight (!) months at the hospital recovering from my illness.

I came back to high school, passed the finals and finished school well and graduated.

Ever since I have been sick I have been looked down upon, belittled and ridiculed etc. Bullied at my first (and last) job, bullied at university (not so much) and especially at church. I survived. People may think I am week and complaining a lot, they don't know my whole story, they only see the surface.

Doctors ask me questions like:

"Do you know how to use a computer?"

"Are you able to read in English?"

"Do you live in a care facility?"

The answers to those are: "yes. yes. and no." To clarify, I have a blog since 2007 and have designed the templates etc that are on my many blogs. I am also able to use zoom and other stuff on my laptop. I studied English at the University of Stockholm for 12 (!) years on/off. I think they would have thrown me out of the English department if I wouldn't have been able to read and write English... Just saying. And I do NOT live in a care facility. I have my own apartment that I take care of. I have two cats that are my furry babies. I even take care of them! WOW. Unbelievable to some, I know. :D hahhah.

Also, I play the piano and sing OK.

As was Cinderella, I have been belittled, bullied and discriminated. Yet I have persisted and kept up my hope, love and faith. I have not given up on my dreams. I am not stupid. I feel sorry for you if you think that.  I wake up each morning with gratitude and a smile. I feel sorry if you don't. 

I have a few friends that do see my worth, I am grateful for them. And even if I would be completely unintelligent and uneducated, it wouldn't make me less worthy or wouldn't diminish my worth as a person. I try to learn new things. It is not impossible for me to learn new things, I am sorry if some people see problems that are simply not there. Maybe they should get glasses, both physical glasses as well as emotional, mental and spiritual, intellectual...

The day will come when I will be vindicated. I don't need anyone's approval or permission to be myself. I have confidence in myself. I am not ashamed of myself, I am not sorry for being me. I am so lucky and blessed.

That was my rant. More later!