Hellooo...

Hey guys and gals!

Sooo... On Thursday I just couldn't take it anymore. My gym-less life, my BodyBalance-less life... I had had enough! I listened to some of my favorite BodyBalance music and started thinking, planning and pining after the gym and the "high" I get from going to the gym. I was miserable. I just couldn't take it anymore, I had to go to the gym, somehow. Then I remembered! It was THURSDAY. My favorite class is every Thursday at 16.30 at my closest place: GoGo City. With my favorite gym-instructor! It was perfect. I had been on sick-leave since July this year, and the sick-leave (at the gym, not from work because obviously, I do not work) was supposed to end today. BUT! I called the lady at the reception and asked her if I could come already then, on Thursday, because my favorite class was then. She said YES! I was sooo happy and enthusiastic. I was over the moon. I quickly took a shower, packed my bag(s) and left for GoGo City. I RAN up the stairs to the dressing-room. RAN. I usually never run and I didn't get so winded either, it was easy! I changed into my gym-clothes and went to read/stretch and listen to music in the gym room where our class is held. It was such a liberating feeling! I felt better just being there. It worked miracles on my mind... When I was waiting for class, and as people started arriving for class, there was the usual snickers and giggles from some of the ladies, men almost never laugh at me at the gym. They stared, they whispered and giggled a little. You should have seen their faces as the class started. No more giggles! Because you know what? I still remembered every movement and position, tai-chi, yoga and pilates etc. I was a force to be reckoned with. I wasn't just a fat person. I was a talented/hard-working fat person lol. Even my gym-instructor seemed happy with my effort. My back hardly bothered me, I felt a bit weak, because of the too long break from the class, but it felt SOOO amazing! I was a fish and I was back in the water! lol

Well, this may give you the idea that I'm the perfect fat fit athlete. No. I'm not. It just felt really good and I would never have thought that I would fall back into the routines, movements etc. with such ease. It was challenging, my legs would't stay up during pilates... It was painful. But it felt so great to be at that point in life and in the life at the gym, that other people's stares and glares don't matter that much anymore. And if they stare and glare, I mostly feel sorry for them, because they don't know how to enjoy life without being a little "shady" and mean. If you really love being mean, it does say something of the emotional state of your heart... lol My heart is not so good either, I have a lot to work on. I take offense way too easily and get my feelings hurt all the time. I need to grow up some more. The fact that I can see my own mistakes is a good step in the right direction...

More Later!!! :)

Someday...

Hey there!

Since there is literally no views on my blog anymore, I will just ignore the "audience" and just "enjoy the journey" i.e. let my freak flag fly, just do it, write what I really want, not just what I think people will like... Well, my shrink told me I am too self-critical... I really do understand where that comes from.

I was bullied for 10 years in school. Then, after 10 years I became ill and had to stay in the mental hospital in Nokia for 8 months... So, my whole life I have been criticized: In school in, in church, among relatives... I have always been a little fat, a little weird, you know. So no wonder my voice doesn't work anymore!

Then some people think I'm kinda a little "slow" because of my illnesses. I feel sorry for the lot. They are so typical, judging people. They do not have a clue. I am the master of disguise... :) They do not know what they are missing. There is one dude at church, he probably assumes that I am handicapped. First of all: Why would that make me a lesser person? and: I feel sorry for him, he probably has a hard time telling what kind of person all kinds of people are. Like, if he sees someone smiling, will he understand that the person is happy? Maybe he need to study people skills a little more. And this dude did serve a mormon mission... Just sayin' ... lol

I hope all those mean people will find and get the sticky end of the lollipop of life, because that is what they deserve...

Hmm... I have been planning to make some new goals for 2019. I just thought of it, in fact.

Number One: Speak only kind and uplifting words, that includes writing.
Number Two: Do not judge, not even those who judge you.
Number Three: Think positive
Number Four: Stay active, physically and spiritually and mentally.
Number Five: SISU. Use it. :) ( it's the Finnish word for "grit" )

More later!

I'm back. Again.

Hello dear readers...

I am addicted to blogging. Yes, apparently it is possible. Funny. It is not a bad thing to be addicted to. Especially if you are on early retirement and have "nothing to do" lol. Actually, I DO have a lot to do. My support nurse person told my shrink on Thursday that I am so active that it is like I would have roller skates on. loool. That was nice to hear. Some of my friends are like: What do you DO all days?!? Aren't you bored? Are you lazy or something? Well, here in this blog I will tell you EXACTLY what I do all days... Let me think.

Mondays I very often go to my favorite shopping-center. First I eat at my favorite place. Then I sit and read/write etc a while after my meal. BTW, I either take the bus or WALK to the shopping center, it's not far but my back is hurting. I have difficulties walking. Hence, the visits at the neurologist, other doctors and I have been going to a different doctor every week for weeks now... Anyways. After sitting, thinking and writing at my favorite place, I either go to LIDL or K-Market in the shopping center. I buy stuff like food etc. If I need to. Usually I get my groceries delivered home because of my back. Then I take a look in my favorite bookstore and then I walk/ride the bus home.

Every day I write a list of things to do, in my Bullet Journal.

Tuesdays are better, because I often have the Monday-blues. Hence the visit to my favorite shopping center. Sometimes there can be breaks in my routines For example last week, when I was mostly at home. I visit my speech therapist, my shrink, my neurologist etc. and my nurse person visits me once a week or she comes with me to the doctor.

Most days I start by listening to music on Spotify and drinking pepsi max. I wake up gradually, gently. I check my fb and emails and whatsapp. I send messages to some friends I love perking them up and love to chat if someone is available. I call my parents and my auntie. I take care of my cats, wash laundry and dishes, organize stuff at home.

I often take photo shoots of my toys. My Little Pony and Barbies etc.

Then I try to be productive... Which is not so easy all the time lol. I tend to read in the evening before bed. Sometimes I listen to an audiobook version of the book at the same time. I looove audible :) My cats remind me when they are hungry, I remind myself, if not, my stomach will. I love making meatballs with my own recipe and Finnish Pancake. Those are my go-to meals...

Well, now I have lost the trail of thought. Sorry guys! More later!

Tjena! Läget?

Hejsan!

JA! Igår kväll bestämde jag mej att ställa mej tillbaka i bostadskön i Sthlm. Jag trillade bort då jag glömde betala avgiften... Jag kommer nog troligen aldrig att flytta tillbaka men man vet aldrig vad som sker i ens liv. Kanske jag behöver flytta pga min livssituation. Vet inte...

Det är förfärligt att jag inte kan bo på två ställen samtidigt lol. DÅ skulle jag strax flytta tillbaka! 

Om jag står i kön 10+ år så kanske jag skulle hitta en passlig lägenhet. lol. Som sagt, det är alltid bra att ha en plan B... Jag trivdes i Sthlm... 

OK. Idag skiner solen här i Tammerfors och det är frost på marken. Jag måste till butiken och till Ärrä efter ett paket. Det är troligen ett paket från en anonym kompis som skickat en julkalender via den finska Barbie-sidan på Facebook. Jag ska skicka också en kalender åt en annan perosn. Idag ska jag börja paketera..

Mera senare!

Hey there! :)

HI!!!

Happy to be back lol. I have been such a lazy blogger these past few... Years? ;) I need to step up and deliver... Even though this is not my "work" blog... That one is: https://cindersboo.blogspot.com/

Oh dear, my dear boy cat Bisse is meowing his poor little heart out. I need to take care of him... BRB!!! :P

Dear Reader... :)

Wooow!

I just experienced something very special! I was looking at my blogs... Oh dear! :P When I started blogging eleven years ago, I was such a baby! lol. No, really! I was 27, naive, stupid, inexperienced little poopybrain! :( Some thoughts that I had back then are just AWFUL! WHY?!? I'm sorry you guys... But let me tell you: It has changed dramatically! I used to be "republican" or like "liberal" or like "in the middle" politically... Shh!!! Don't tell my Family: I have changed opinions RADICALLY. I'm not a very different person... I'm kinda leftist, feminist, not quite socialist maybe, but towards that, actually... And I am a "tree-hugger", green person with no intention of ever voting for example Kokoomus, Keskusta or Kristillis Demokraatit. Sorry, if this is a schock to you. I am so very sorry...

We actually have the best President in the world here in Finland. He is not part of any party. He is simply a very nice person and human being. I have never ever heard of a more humble, nice, regular guy being a President. Ooopsie! Don't take offense, some countries lol. Or you may take offense if you so wish. This is only my opinion. Finland is probably the best country in the world.

Disclaimer: All of these thoughts are my personal opinions. You are free to disagree, but you don't need to be offended because this is just my view...

Well, now that we have that garbage out of the way... Tomorrow is Black Friday. I'm maybe going to buy a Quesadilla. Yeah. Food. That's good. :) You always feel better after a Quesadilla. :) And THIS time I have pepsi max at home, no need to sleep all day tomorrow lol ;)

Boy, I wish I could spill my guts a little. But I realize the consequences... There is no way THAT will be fun for anyone except awful people who like to thrive on other people's drama. Believe me, those people do exsist...

BTW, today I visited my shrink. My speechtherapist and my "support"-nurse-person came with me. We had fun. The doctor has started to treat me a little bit more like a person... My speech therapist is GREAT! He is from Oulu, for those who know what kind of characteristics those people posses. Well, they are honest, hard working, straight forward, thorough etc. Nice people.

Hmm.... After the shrink I went to the cafe with my support-person and I drank some raspberry soda and ate a croissant and a cinnamon bun (kanelipulla). Then I came back home. I was pooped. I slept very poorly last night. Full moon and everything lol... Then I took a nap, my groceries were delivered after my nap and then I started trying to decide what to read tonight... Then, suddenly, I felt the urge to blog :P lol. It happens. ;)

'Hello!'

Hi.

Today I have felt very tired, almost lethargic. I've taken 2,5 naps, watched almost a whole movie, eaten a little and just been very unproductive. I watched The Devil wears Prada, couldn't finish it because I almost fell asleep lol...  All my friends say that my fatigue is because of my meds, I don't think it's just that. I'm maybe a little depressed or something. No one believes it, because I seem so happy all the time. LOL. Really funny.

The sun has been shining here in my city today, it doesn't help. I've listened to music, it helps a little. I don't have pepsi at home, so I cannot even perk myself up with a glass of that... Thank goodness I found a few caffeine pills. I took one. Let's see how soon it kicks in... :) It usually helps a lot, it also somehow relieves anxiety... Weird. Maybe it's because I wake up more. Not in a daze and a haze all the time lol.

I haven't blogged in ages. I don't remember what I've written about in this blog since I started it. Did you know, my first blog was in Finnish? It was on a youth site for Finnish mormons. Yeah. The Most Popular one, too... Nowadays with all the millions of blogs, no one cares. I think it maybe was in 2007 or something I started my first blog. If people wanna know, I do have experience...

Seriously, some people think I'm not very smart. I have my "speech impediment", so they assume that I'm not "all there" or something... Well. I feel sorry for them. It must be hard to think crap all the time about other people's abilities. I wish we all could just assume the best about each other, instead of tearing each other down... My neurologist told me, and she was the first doctor ever who told me this, she said: You are intelligent. :) She said: You need to keep writing, reading etc. to keep your mind in shape. WOOOW! I have never ever been called intelligent by a doctor! I almost start crying at the memory, because it means so much to me. Far too long I have been treated less than. I'm sick and tired of it. I've had enough... My time has come. LOL

There are many things I've gotten rusty at, like spelling, sometimes I cannot remember how to use a word, like, I cannot explain it... This is English I'm talking about. Swedish is my first native tongue, Finnish my second. I do count English as my third "native" tongue, because it's at least as strong as my Finnish. I went to Swedish schools... I lived in Sweden for 12 years and studied English and Finnish at the University of Stockholm. Swedish is my strongest language. Finnish and English split second place. I cannot decide which is stronger. Maybe Finnish is a little stronger. Because it's so much darn easy to spell in Finnish lol...

Wow! Look at me go today! Thank you, dear caffeine pill! ;)

Well, a while ago I read on facebook that: "I do not like blogs"... I'm like... Ummm... Do you know there are many kinds? They are not ALL about make-up, fashion, interior design, whatever it is that you do not like. lol. It was a very "special" comment. I mean. There are as many different blogs out there as there are people in the world. I love writing. I do not know when or how, just a few days ago I realized: I am a writer. I write. :) Crazy! I didn't realize that I was doing what authors, writers, journalists do. Maybe I just thought this is like a huge journal lol. I do not know. I am happy :)

Some other realizations that I have had lately are: I did not know what love was. Back in (when I was a teenager and a 20's something), I really did not know squat about it. I still do not know much, but a bit more than then. Yep.

I am on a spree today, apparently... Shame that my blog is not so popular. My book blog is a little. Not much. Haha. I'm happy if it gets 20 views per post... :( lol I know, I'm sad... I need to start sharing this blog a bit more :)

More later! :)

Hello there!

Hi again...

Sorry I haven't written in a long time. To say I have been busy would be an understatement. I have also just been lazy .lol

I visited my parents at the beginning of August for ten days. They live in a little town ,my hometown of Pietarsaari , in Österbotten, where there's a lot of Swedish speaking people. My family is Swedish speaking, from my mother's side. My Dad is from Satakunta . Of course I was adopted , so on my biological Dad's side I'm from Härmä . Lots of different places lol. I have not studied my biological Mom's side yet.

I'm grateful that I was adopted.

Today I went to the speech therapist and then to the new shopping centre here in Tampere. I ate a little, picked up a book I had ordered and went to the food store. When I came back home , I was so tired that I took a little nap. Lol.

I know that in the past I have written about my crushes etc. ... No more. I really don't want to write about it anymore. Lol. Seriously . None of anybody's business .

On the 15th we're having my class reunion at a little restaurant here in Tampere. This was my class from 1987-1997. I got ill in 1997 , had to be in the hospital for eight months! When I came back to school I had new class mates. It's going to be interesting to see a few class mates after all these years . I'm proud of myself. I have done well in life. I may not be the most successful or popular person in the world but I am happy. How many people can say that ? There's so much anxiety and worry in people these days. I know I have that from time to time.

Here's a little list of the things I have achieved in my life, despite of all my difficulties.

2000 I graduated from Svenska samskolan i Tammerfors
2000 I graduated from The Tampere school of home economics
2001 I moved to Stockholm, Sweden
2001 - 2012 I studied at the University of Stockholm: English and Finnish
2007 I bought an apartment on Kungsholmen, in the centre of Stockholm
2012 I moved back home to Tampere

I got two kittens on August 28th 2011 in Sweden
I got over a hundred study credits at the University of Stockholm
Now I live in the centre of Tampere and live a very good life

I have friends, I have hobbies , my book blog , I have worked for an American company blogging about books for a year . I didn't earn money,  but a lot of experience and just the feeling and achievement felt really good.

That's all . :)

Hi there...

Hi folks!

It's five to one in the morning here in Finland at the moment... I just cannot fall asleep... So, I'm watching SKAM and writing this, instead of sleeping. Sometimes creativity kicks in late in the evening/in the middle of the night for me lol.

I've had serious anxiety today almost all day. Not fun. But now I feel better because sleep helps. Sleep is the best medicine. That is what we say here in Finland. Don't know if it's true. Maybe there is some wisdom to it.

SKAM is a Norwegian series about teenagers and their problems. It's all in Norwegian, of course and I usually put Swedish subtitles. Norwegian is really close to Swedish. And it's even easier to understand if you come from the part of Swedish-speaking Finland where I come from: Eastern Bothnia. We have a similar words.

Well, now I'm really getting tired, my eyes won't stay open... Good night! :)

The Book about My Life...

Hello darlings!

I have been planning to write a book about my life for a looong time. Now my friends are trying to get me to start lol. It's just hard to know where to start... I'm 38 years old. I have written in 30+ journals during my life (so far...) It's going to be a big book lol. Some things I don't feel like sharing with some of my friends. Some things I do not want to share with my relatives/family... There is so much that has happened. And if I need to be really honest, it ain't all positive. Someone might get hurt, even though I do not intend on hurting them. It's just not easy. Then there is the issue, digital or paper? Of course, it would be good to keep it digital, but I really do not know where to put it. On my computer? On a "memory card", whatever that may be. I have not used an USB device for a looong time. It has been forever... And honestly, my life is MY life, some people do not deserve to know everything, like: pearls before swine...sorry... There are some people who have been judging me, and I really do not want for them to understand. It's like: if they cannot love me for who I am, they really do not deserve to know what I am really like. Poor, unfortunate souls lol.

So, I might just keep it to myself. There is no need to let the whole world know. I do not own anyone any explanation or anything. Seriously...

More later! :)

Spring has sprung... ;)

Hello!

I have been having some technical issues. I have decided against smileys etc. They might be the root of the problem... I hope to eliminate all my issues by just writing very emotion-less... lol Let us keep our fingers crossed this time my computer and blogger settings, whatever, will work out their difficulties and help me post a post without further problems. Man, I sound formal and boring lol

Well... Summer has arrived to Finland. Finally! It's been 17-20 degrees celsius these last few days, lovely! The grass is green(er), the sky is blue, the wind is fresh and the trees are getting greener everyday. We have not had a proper summer in a looong time. Nor a real winter. But last winter was really a winter, with snow and a lot of minus degrees. So, maybe it is: Proper winter - Proper summer! Let us hope so lol...

More later!

Testing, testing, testing...

Hi!

My computer is having some "issues"... My last post went completely bonkers :P

This is a "test" :)

TA!