Good afternoon from Finland! :)

 Hey there! 

I don't remember if I told you guys that I have severe depression and used to have really bad anxiety for years. This year I suddenly got a lot better. In February/March I usually need to go to the mental hospital for a few days at least and on top of that I have spent weeks, if not months at home alone with my cats most days and lied on my couch and scrolled hours on end on my phone. I was really in a bad state. I was afraid of going outside, I had zero energy, I cried and had a lot of anxiety. I did not clean my home a lot, I felt I could not do anything. It was the bottom of my life so far... 

Then I met the new missionaries (and some who had been here since earlier) and one Sunday I asked for a blessing from the elders. Slowly from that moment on I started to feel a lot better. I went outside more! I cleaned more! I got a lot more energy! I lost 10 kilograms! :) I am so happy I found these friends. I am so grateful for them. In another blog I write more about the missionaries... 

https://swefinnmissionarybonusmom.blogspot.com/

I really do not know what exactly happened. I just know that I feel alive again and a lot happier. 

Maybe people started praying for me more, maybe I believed a little extra in the power of the blessing I got, maybe the missionaries who became my bonus children really helped me get out of my bad depression by helping me in many ways and allowing me to help them. Because if I can't help anyone or if no one wants me to help, I feel pretty useless and I do not feel appreciated and I just slip into a really dark place...

THANK YOU MISSIONARIES <3 

I am so grateful. I skipped the "going to the hospital in the spring" -part of my year and that is so valuable to me. I am so happy... Also, because I am spending my time a lot more with the missionaries I see their good example, I want to be better, it helps me to progress. I would have probably continued being a depressed crazy cat-lady with no energy forever, or for a very long time at least. My anxiety is completely gone! :)  I am sure it will come back maybe sometimes at least to visit but I am just so happy it is gone right now :)

More later!

Good morning! :)

 Hi there! 

It is a lot easier to blog about my life in general than about books, I am sorry. I have my good old trusted book blog too but I have been in an awful reading slump. Plus I have started knitting instead. I could listen to audiobooks at the same time but sometimes it is difficult to concentrate...

I usually just listen to music or the radio during my knitting moments.

I knit a lot at night when I can not sleep or at the church on Sundays or at the activities. A little mean old lady at church asked if I am not going to get that scarf done soon? She saw that I was knitting it two weeks in a row... She was pretty mean. I knit very rarely. I am not fast, I am not good at it and I am doing my best. Mean people do not have patience lol.

I still feel a lot better nowadays, even if I feel a little down I very soon pick myself up, which would have been imposible a year ago... A year ago I was at the hospital 11-14 of March. I had bad anxiety. I was supposed to move back to my hometown. I did not move and that was a VERY good thing.

My missionary friends visited me in the hospital last year. Elder Holm and elder Phelps, sister Sanders and sister Nyland. Really lovely humans. I am so grateful. The missionaries have visited me many times when I have been in the hospital but let's not get into that, wrong blog lol. :D

It is Barbie's birthday today! (wrong blog again lol)

Have a good day! :)

Something about life at the moment

 Hi...

I recently started another blog. The subject there is missionarywork. It has been read a lot.

My life outside of that has been very interesting to say the least.

 I really was not feeling okay or like I was hyper active and very happy for about two weeks. First I thought it was my painkillers making me high, nope! It was just life and the feels I sometimes experience. They usually come and go, but this time my happy mood has persevered even though everything in my life is NOT all peaches and flowers etc. I have found many ways to deal with my anxiety and honestly I have not had a lot of anxiety for almost a month. :) My friends have helped me a lot.

I am actually amazed how I still can be this happy! I smile each day a lot, laugh and mostly think very happy thoughts. I am a new person. I also have become more perky and do not need as many naps as before and have a lot more energy. I have lost 10 kilograms! I felt like I was eating all the time but apparently not lol. I am happy about that too.

I think something has changed that used to bother me a LOT. I just left the problem in the past and I must say a few friends have helped me leave that thing behind me, for which I am forever grateful. I used to lie in bed all day for weeks on end just scrolling through social media. A MIRACLE happened. I am so happy I feel a lot better. Some people or situations still trigger a negative response or emotion but I do not care so much, because every time I feel really good right afterwards. There are very few things in my life right now that can make me really severly depressed anymore!

I was afraid of getting a psychosis for those two weeks :( some feelings can SEEM like a psychosis or like you are not yourself... That is what happened to me lol. I hate and love when my feelings go crazy and my mind follows. It is not possible to pull the breaks, but I managed it. I just calmed a little down, and now I feel pretty normal. "Normal" for me is not "normal" for everyone lol. I try to be normal but it really does not work for me. I am at least happy that I am becoming an adult now at the age of almost 43 lol.

Well, there are some of my thoughts. I need to try to read today-...

TA! ;)

At the end of 2022... :)

 Good morning!

Sorry I haven't written in over a year... A lot has happened lol. Good and bad.

I had to go to the hospital in the spring and now in the fall... I stayed almost a month now in the fall at the hospital. It is a good hospital, in Sastamala, a little farther away from my home but very good quality. Very nice nurses and good food. 

I was supposed to move in the summer but I canceled my move in the spring... I felt like it is not good for me and I really love my home in Tampere. My cats also love living here... I have many friends and a lot of hobbies and things to do every day. 

I have continued collecting Barbies and ponies etc. My collection is ever growing :D

I am happy today :) It's a little before 5 am and I woke up so early because I fell asleep before 8 pm. Also, my cats were hungry... They are always hungry hahhah. I will nap later, so it's okay. Yesterday my friend from church came and cleaned my home with me for two hours, it was nice.

I am participating in nanowrimo, which is a writing thing in November... I have started a little already. I am writing on scrivener and of course these blogs of mine. As usual, I also try to keep up with my regular journals too... a lot of writing lol.

More later! :)

Early morning thoughts

 Good morning! 

I know, it's Saturday morning, it's a little past four a.m. here and I can't sleep even though I should be sleeping... I woke up with a stomach ache from yesterday's burrito lol. It made my stomach a bit upset. It usually doesn't do that, but it's okay. It was a good burrito. I like burritos. 

So, this update comes a bit earlier. I was going to try to update you once a month, but I just got the inspiration to write now. There is nothing I can do about that. LOL. I slept five hours, I fell asleep really early... I will soon go back to bed.

I've been pretty happy lately. Life is good. Sometimes I get anxiety etc. but it always does pass sooner or later. I have good medicine. I haven't seen my shrink in more than six months, they are very busy obviously. Feels like the health care system here in Tampere isn't working quite as it should. At least not the mental health care... It is awful. I hope everyone who is suffering can cope. There's always the hospital... But it gets crowded. It's really horrible.

Anyway... I have been busy and meeting friends, going to church and writing in my journals, reading, watching netflix etc. :) I'm happy with my life right now. Not anything missing... LOL. I know, I'm single, but I am not worried about that. Not at all. It will all work out. It doesn't get better if I worry about it. 

More later! :)

August Update...

 Hello there! 

What's up? ;) 

I visited my parents for nearly two weeks in July/August. My cats came with me and we had a lot of fun. I swam *once* in the ocean, ate at Kotipizza twice: Kanalankku pizza (Chicken pizza with avocado and feta cheese, chili sauce and some green stuff lol). It is my favorite pizza... They have a great service at lunch there: One can drink as much as one wants, and the sodas have additional flavors to be added if so wished: Strawberry, vanilla, lime and raspberry. (I'm not sure about the raspberry one... don't remember lol) I also ate once at McDonald's and once at a lovely café: Skorpan, near where my parents live. I also went to church, met my cousin and aunties and uncle. I love my family. I also met my biological sister. We talked for two hours. She is so wonderful, I love my siblings. They found me in 2014 on facebook... I got two elder brothers and two elder sisters, all at once :) I'm so happy they found me. 

I've decided to try to update this blog at least once a month. Let's hope for the best...

I've been pretty okay. Happy most of the time. Lots to do. :) I have two jobs, we call them Callings in our church. Before I had no job, or like only a very small one. Now I'm the singles aged 31+ representative in my ward and the counselor in the women's organisation: Relief society. It is sooo fun! :) I really like that I can help people. It is so nice. I feel that I am not useless. I can make a difference. 

I have also been quite active on the International singles aged 31-55 group online. We have meetings on zoom on Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays. It's for all the 31-55 year old singles from the church in Europe. The program is called "Gathered In" and is not a dating platform, only to talk about our faith, find friends and have fun.

I love life right now. I have music to listen to, books, two lovely cats, a roof over my head, food and youtube premium lol :D There are so many things to be grateful for... If I sometimes get depressed or get anxiety it is basically because of my brain, an unbalance in the brain. I don't decide to get depressed, it doesn't help when people say : Just smile! or something. It is so annoying. These people haven't got any perspective! :P

I'm listening to my favorite spotify list:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/35OArLtspCXsDFAAt65YRl?si=d9d63e7322114349

It's like my "best of the best" :D

I'm quite happy today :) I got new earphones yesterday evening: Airpods. They are called Happy plugs (Stockholm), designed in Sweden <3 Which is suitable, since I lived there for 12 years lol. They are gold and pink colored. 

There they are... Aren't they beautiful? :)

My new hobby: Listening to music from Spotify on my laptop via my airpods :P Lovely! 

Have a lovely weekend! :)

TA! :)

Life update July 2021

 Hello!

How is everyone doing? We're having a long heatwave here in Finland... It's *interesting* lol :D It is quite hard to do anything... you get hot and sweaty real easily. It is a bit bothering, but I will hopefully manage. I'm soon getting a cooler/fan. That's really good.

I've kept up with my bullet journals, journals and other notebooks, most of the time at least. I often write a to do -list for the day, not always though. I have so many notebooks on many different subjects. Each subject has its own notebook lol. 

My cats are okay. They just turned 10 years, and sometimes a little tired or anxious and meowing a lot.... But pretty okay. They are my babies. Very fluffy... I didn't realize really how fluffy they would be when I first got them in 2011. LOL

I have been listening to a lot of Swedish radio. There are a few radio stations on ilikeradio.se that I really like. They have many different kind of stations. Also I have found some nice radio stations in the UK. Of course, there is radio Suomi pop in Finland that I kinda like.

Here is a link to the Swedish radio page:

https://www.ilikeradio.se/rixfm/

I have listened to Rix morron Zoo since 2001/2002 when I lived in Sweden. I moved there in 2001 so I found that radio station pretty quick. I stayed in Sweden until 2012. I moved there in January 2001 and back home to Finland in December 2012 so it's 12 years. That is quite a long time. I liked it pretty well.

I've been pretty healthy.Not much anxiety or depressing feelings. Mostly happy and glad. Now in the summertime I have been outside a lot. Sitting in the park alone or with friends. Reading, listening to music, taking pictures of my dolls etc.

More later!

TA!